Special Needs Parenting :: Welcome to Holland - by Emily Perl Kingsley

Introduction by Carey Nelson Handley:

About the time we recognized that our daughter had developmental difficulties, Reader’s Digest printed an article that is the single most important description of Special Needs parenting that I’ve read to date. It describes, in analogous form, how being the parent of a child with a disability is not something any of us signed up for, nor could we have predicted. This article stayed with me and when I tried to locate the issue of Reader’s Digest years later and couldn’t, I contacted the publisher to send another copy to me.

To those of us who are parenting children with Special Needs, this article, written by Emily Perl Kingsley, begins with the initial confusion many of us face initially and crescendos into a beautiful conclusion. To those who want to understand what our lives are like, maybe this article will bring comprehension and compassion.

This article is reprinted here with permission by the author. I hope it brings the same enlightenment and peace to you that it has to me.


Copyright©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley.
All rights reserved.
Reprinted by permission of the author.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this……

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland.”

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Article From emilyperlkingsley.com

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